My Dad
Saturday, February 27, 2010 at 12:27AM This is the fifth anniversary of my father passing away after a very short battle with Pancreatic Cancer. It's very hard to imagine just how long it's been since I heard him open the front door when he got home from work. Or when he would pop his head in my door to see what I was up to. He never seemed to let a day go by without massaging my pain away. He was the best. I miss him very much naturally. My dad never called me Derek. His name for me was simply Bud. "What ya doing Bud?," is what I'd hear typically on any given day. When he would introduce me, it wasn't "This is my son Derek." It was always, "This is my boy." Maybe he just forgot my name. Ha Ha. I can still hear these words often in my head. If I try to remember his voice, it's usually uttering one of those two lines. He taught me a lot. More than I think he ever knew himself. I picked up a lot of his characteristics over the years since he died. I guess I think it's the way a man is supposed to act. As years go by, I understand more and more, that he made me who I am today. All the good and some of the bad. He handled all of life's stress with relative grace. I still don't get how he did that. I certainly don't. My normal reaction is to panic where he did not. He was the glue that kept my family together. We never understood that quite so well until he was gone. He often thought he wasn't a major factor in our lives. He knew he was the provider, but he was so much more. I'm very sorry I never told him that. It's too bad, being a Father & Son relationship. There are so many unspoken words. This is something I will try to keep in mind if and when the day comes that I may have children. I love Ya Dad!
My Family Heading to Oregon
Oregon
My Mom, My Lil Sis Shannon, My Big Sis Kristen, My Dad
On the California Speedway Track
On the start/finish line next to his name
Shooting
My Parent's Wedding Day
My parent's early years
My Dad with my older sisters
Me Sleeping with My Dad
We're at an Air Show
My Dad visiting me at Disneyland
In our Usual Spots
My Dad working at VONS
Again me sleeping on Him
My Graduation
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Reader Comments (2)
Tear-fest here. Thanks for posting all those pics. There are so many that I wish I could have copies of that I can picture in my mind but don't know if I'll ever actually see again. You just gave me a few of those.
I didn't know about writing his name on the racetrack. That's awesome! I never gave a damn about Nascar, but now I catch myself watching it. Weird. We have a racetrack up here in Portland where you can take racing classes. I think I might do that in his honor.
I don't think any of us tell the people close to us what we really think or feel about them. We all get so comfortable that we take things for granted. But I can tell you as a parent that you know that your kids love you and appreciate you. You know that they may not realize it immediately, but eventually they will. Seeing what they do based on what you've taught them is so much more satisfying that hearing them say that they've learned from you or that they respect you.
Dad taught me to do things for myself, to know my priorities, to put my kids first and inspire them, to work hard to create the life that I want, to try new things, to do the best I could even if my best didn't seem very good, to be friendly to everyone, to tell stories about my life, to explore (caves and all), and to relax when I need to relax. Most importantly, though, I learned from his mistakes, which is one of the reasons why I try so hard to take care of my health (hello healthy food), earn a good living, and work at a career that gives me joy rather than stresses me out. I can tell that you have learned lots of the same things.
He always looked at you with such pride. I was often jealous. I was the "boy" of the family until you came along. He always said good things about you, always told me about what you were up to as if he wished he were doing it too. No relationship exists in reality exactly as they do in our fantasies; there are always aspects we want that we won't get and aspects we wish we didn't have, but I think you were exactly the kind of son that he wanted.
Love ya!
Thanks Sis. Love Ya Too.